EMBRACING NEW LIFE

一早，天阴沉沉的，下了大雨。妈打过电话来特意嘱咐说，打车上班吧，别省这块钱走半个小时了。我虽然在电话中没有特别表示什么，但心里的滋味有些不一样。

到了办公室给薛野打电话，希望他答应在月底或下月接受我的采访。大约两个月前他说时机不成熟，说再过两个月。可是今天他又说再过半年。我感觉很不爽！一方面，我能理解他的这种决定和态度，另外一方面，我会怪自己没有讲话/谈判技巧，不能说服他接受我的意见，会觉得如果换作其他同去约这个采访，也许他就答应了（事实上，估计不会）。下一期还是写不成自然之友的文章，我只能有些烦躁地开始考虑其它可能的题材。

有时，我也是能够急中生智的。It must be interesting to look at how Chinese NGOs see their own legitimacy.

明天就可以和磁盘空间永远不足的旧电脑告别了。工作情绪和效率可以大大提高了，真让我高兴！: D

晚上在办公室吃剩菜剩饭竟然也吃得津津有味。昨晚去农民玉米家蹭饭，又一次感到自己在这方面是个幸福的人，不但有现成的热饭吃，还可以和朋友边吃边聊。饭后，农民去隔壁的房间练习他的书法，我和玉米坐在沙发上，烤着电热器，看了一集《香樟树》。在某个短暂的一刻里我的心又默默地比较了一下我和玉米的生活状态。Maybe Xiaofeng is right–only when I stop regarding “being together with the one I love” as the most substantial benchmark of being happy, can I really enjoy my life as it is.

It has been six months. I have been counting when each 9th comes and goes and I had been looking forward to this special one. But what is the point of all this counting and looking forward? What is the next thing I could be looking forward to? Travelling together? When can I look forward to seeing him again? Next January? Spring Festival? Next summer? I do not mind planning, and acting accordingly, but I DO mind feeling that I am imposing myself on others, let alone on N.

Am I a little too pathetic that I love quoting song lyrics as if they speak for my heart? Anyway, it is just another day. And I have my ovulation pain to relieve.

Stand By Me
Ben E. King

When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we’ll see
No I won’t be afraid
Oh I won’t be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
So darlin’ darlin’ stand by me
Oh stand by me
Oh stand, stand by me, stand by me
If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
Or the mountain should crumble to the sea
I won’t cry, I won’t cry

No I won’t shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
And darlin’ darlin’ stand by me
Oh stand by me
Whoa stand now, stand by me, stand by me
Darlin’ darlin’ stand by me
Oh stand by me
Oh stand now, stand by me, stand by me
Whenever you’re in trouble just stand by me
Oh stand by me
Whoa stand now, oh stand, stand by me

 

  

up where we belong