I know it is a little sudden, but I have decided to stop blogging for a while, and maybe come back in 3 months, when the spring comes.
I take this blog too seriously. I treated each entry (however simple or boring it may seem to you readers) as my degree thesis. So, it simply took too much of my precious time when I have a lot of more important things to do. Not to dwell on what I am feeling and thinking does me more good than the other way around.
I started this web log mainly because I hoped that, when SMS fails to come through, when he has no time to write me emails, when it is just not the right time to talk on the phone, it might be a good way to keep the communication going with N.
Back to the question “What can help the situation in my long distance relationship with N”, one day last week, my colleague shared her insight: not living in the same place, the two of you got to get together more often, visit each other or meet somewhere in between, because it is crucial being with each other, spending some time together, otherwise it is mere imagination in the minds.
I can’t agree more! And imagination, like a double-edged sword, can cut both ways. I already had secretly hoped for a trip with N after the coming Spring Festival, but at the same time, I had also imagined that I proposed and he disposed with a “No”.
Now there is no need to try to actually bring it up and hear the disposal any more. From the phone conversation with him last night, I have come to realize that he does not really take me into account in his future plans (Tell me I am wrong about this! Or tell me it is too much to ask for.).
Don’t know what else is left for me to say or do. Bye for now, 幸福是不简单的简单, something I gave myself to remember those days by.
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Just stopped working to check your blog. I do understand that you have made a lot of efforts to realize the “dream” between us. I really appreciate it. Actually it is not that I don’t care. I do. But there are so many things going on in life as well–and actually I don’t quite know to which direction I’m miving–so a lot of uncertainty. I know you’ve been struggling to develop our relationship. I’m struggling with it as well, but in a different way. My family knew the relationship between the two of us (more precisely between a non-Tibetan girl and me) and sent a clear emssage to me that they would not approve. I feel lost, frustrated, hopeless…
Comment by N — 11/17/2004 @ 12:21 am
I wish you could know how many times I tried to write this “comment", and deleted it, tried to write in an email, and canceled, and then started all over again. I wish you could see me crying.
But I want you to be happy. I don’t want you to feel lost, frustrated, or hopeless. I don’t want you to be at odds with your family on this important issue.
If there is no way we can get the “approval", that means I am not blessed enough to be with you, and that’s the reality I got to face. I will learn to keep my distance.
There is a song I love and wanted to share with you. It’s not the right time for it though. If you somehow run into that song in the future, please listen to it, because that’s the exact feeling I had for you—What Are You Doing the Rest of Your Life by Laura Fygi.
Comment by Xuesong — 11/17/2004 @ 7:18 pm